Celebrating life and honouring grief

Día de los Muertos.

Some of my very favourite things come from Mexico. While tacos and margaritas will always have a place in my heart (and hips!), one particularly beautiful tradition highlights that universal human experience: grief. In Mexico, the Day of the Dead, or "Día de los Muertos," illustrates how a community can come together to honour their loved ones who have died. The celebration is a vivid, vibrant, and deeply meaningful way to cope with grief and keep the memories of those lost alive.

Last weekend I attended a Mexican festival here in Melbourne which, due to its time proximity to the Day of the Dead, featured many skulls, marigolds and butterflies.

If you look closely at the background of this snap I took, you can also see that tequila featured heavily for some!

In fact a two day tradition, the 1st of November is known as Día de los Inocentes (Day of the Innocents) or Día de los Angelitos (Day of the Little Angels), and families remember deceased children and infants. On November 2nd, the more widely known Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead), people honor deceased adults.

Marigold petals light the way for spirits, ofrendas, or altars, are created - often with the favourite foods and beverages of the departed -, graves are visited and, most importantly, memories of ancestors and other loved family members are shared, and in turn, created.

For each of us, grief is a unique journey, and it can be challenging to navigate alone. The Day of the Dead, like a grief coach, offers a safe and understanding space where everyone joins in to share memories as symbols of love and remembrance are created and rituals help to give meaning to our lives in the face of the inevitable. These things can be incredibly cathartic, helping us find a way to keep the memory of loved ones alive in our hearts.

While I love the symbolism and celebration that comes with this festival, along with its exuberant acknowledgement of death, for me, one thing is missing. Like so many of the rituals associated with death around the world, each one, whether it be a funeral, wake, or annual event, takes the view that our grief can be contained, dealt with, addressed, in a specific time frame.

The reality of grief is that it doesn’t have a timeline or constraint. If you’ve ever experienced grief, you’ll be familiar with those pangs that catch you just when you least expected them. Sometimes many months and, yes, years after the ceremony or ritual has passed. What happens when the mourners (or revellers!) have gone home? It can be lonely and confusing - reinforcing the idea that we “should be over it by now”.

The privilege of the work of a grief coach is in helping others find moments of joy, connection, and growth even while coping with grief, regardless of when it strikes. A grief coach understands that healing and grieving are not mutually exclusive. Our coaches guide you towards embracing the vibrant life your loved one lived and help you find positivity and growth in the midst of your pain.

No one needs to navigate the turbulent waters of grief by themselves. A listening ear, and a compassionate space can create an opportunity to express emotions and embark on a transformative journey toward healing. The Day of the Dead teaches us that in embracing grief, we also celebrate the lives of those we've lost, keeping their memory alive in our hearts.

The Day of the Dead is concurrently a celebration of life and an opportunity for communities to prevent what is known as the second death”: that is, the time when you are forgotten by the living. The final tradition I’ll highlight is that of writing light-hearted and often irreverent verses in the form of mock epitaphs dedicated to living friends and acquaintances. It is a literary form known as calaveras literarias, and can be a fun step for those planning their end of life.

To strangers, I dedicate this calavera's rhyme,

A nod to the connection, that transcends space and time.

Though we may walk our separate paths, our stories intertwined,

In the tapestry of life, support forever we'll find.

Reach out today - I’d love to help you begin your own journey of healing and celebration.