New years, old feelings

I’m not generally a fan of New Year celebrations.  So much expectation, hope, resolution and dreams all schmooshed together - all for time which has yet to transpire!  There’s also often grief.  Whether it’s the unfulfilled expectations of all those things carried over from last year, or the people, places and moments we now know are gone, the transition to a new year can be a bittersweet journey.  For my work, this is a busy time, helping others explore complex emotions that arise at a very traditional time for reflection and planning.

I’ve been singularly fortunate to spend the end of 2023 and the beginning of 2024 with my immediate family.  It was a time of “lasts” as my parents start to pack their belongings in preparation for downsizing.  The last Christmas in the family home of 45 years and So. Much. Stuff!  As we packed, and made hundreds of decisions about what to keep, give, sell or throw, it was all interspersed with memories of those who have died that we remembered, treasure and grieved a little all over again.  There were plenty of tears, laughter and gratitude. 

While grief is a universal human experience, its presence doesn't adhere to those constraints of time; healing is both a gradual and far from linear process.  While the New Year often affords that opportunity for reflection, those waves of grief can strike at any time.  Whether you're mourning the loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, or even a sense of normalcy, the new year can stir up a whirlwind of emotions. It's crucial to acknowledge and validate these feelings, allowing yourself the space to grieve amidst the celebrations.   

Take a moment now to reflect on the losses you've endured.  The end of a year is an opportunity to honour the memories of those no longer with us and recognise the impact of other losses on our lives. Journaling or engaging in reminiscence can be helpful in expressing and processing these emotions, as well as recognising that your strength has carried you far.  Whether it's lighting a candle in remembrance, creating a scrapbook of cherished memories, or participating in a meaningful activity, finding ways to honour your grief even during celebratory times is important.

The new year often comes with pressure to set ambitious resolutions and embrace a fresh start.  While it's natural to have aspirations, it's equally important to set realistic expectations, especially if grief is a constant companion.  Give yourself the grace to navigate the challenges at your own pace and focus on small, achievable goals that contribute to your peace of mind.

And of course, that often unspoken possibility that this will be the last New Year we see in.  If that feels true for you, I encourage you to seek support.  The end of life journey is not one that needs to be navigated alone.  Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, and an end of life coach.  Sharing your feelings and experiences can be cathartic, and the understanding of someone who has helped others along a similar path can be profoundly comforting.

While grief may cast a shadow over a new year, my hope is that you’re able to embrace the possibilities that come with a fresh start and allow yourself the time you need to find joy again. Each step forward, no matter how small, is a testament to your strength and resilience.  Remember, it's okay to mourn amidst the celebrations, and in doing so, we honour the depth of our human experience.