The Four-Letter Word Beginning With F
I’m fine: the art of pretending.
Life has a way of throwing curveballs when we least expect them. It's a universal truth that at some point, we all experience moments of deep emotional turmoil, stress, or sadness. It’s a little bit like one of my favourite cities, Venice, which is working hard on its crumbling foundations while maintaining its facade. In a world that often expects us to put on a brave face, we find ourselves pretending to be fine when we're actually feeling utterly messed up. This is particularly relevant to grief, which of all our emotions, is the one that has a tendency to overwhelm us.
F number one: Facade
We've all been there. You wake up in the morning, and the weight of the world feels like it's crushing you. You put on a smile and a cheerful tone, hoping to convince yourself and those around you that everything is just fine. The facade of happiness is an intricate coping mechanism that helps us navigate the complexities of our grief.
Why do we do this? More F’s!
Fear: Society frequently stigmatises vulnerability, which can lead us to pretend to be fine to avoid judgment, unwanted advice or well-meaning platitudes.
Friends and Family: We don't want to burden our loved ones with our problems, so we pretend in order to save them from our struggles.
Flight response: Pretending can sometimes be an immediate, instinctive response to distress, helping us keep emotions at bay temporarily.
Feelings: We may worry that acknowledging our true feelings will make them even more overwhelming, so we pretend as a way to self-protect.
While pretending to be fine can provide short-term relief, it comes with hidden dangers in the long run.
Emotional suppression: Continually pretending to be fine can lead to emotional suppression, which may cause more significant emotional issues over time.
Isolation: It can lead to a sense of isolation as we keep our struggles hidden from the people who care about us.
Missed support: By not sharing our struggles, we miss out on the emotional support and understanding that our friends and loved ones might offer.
Healthy Ways to Manage
Self-awareness: Acknowledge your emotions. It's okay not to be okay. Understanding your feelings is the first step in managing them.
Seek professional help: If your struggles are becoming overwhelming, don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist or coach who can provide support.
Share with trusted individuals: Find someone you trust and open up about your feelings. Sharing your emotions with a friend or family member can be incredibly therapeutic.
Self-care: Take time for self-care, whether that's through exercise, meditation, journaling, or engaging in hobbies you enjoy.
Set boundaries: It's okay to say no when you're not up for something. Don't overcommit when you need time to recharge.
The art of pretending to be fine when you're actually struggling with grief, or other emotions, is something most of us have mastered. However, it's essential to recognise that it's okay not to be okay - that old saying that true strength lies in vulnerability. Instead of bottling up your emotions, seek healthier ways to understand and work through your grief. Remember that there's support available, whether through friends, family, or professionals, who can help you navigate the difficult times of loss, building strong foundations instead of relying on the facade of “fine”.